Those pesky resolutions and incoherent musings on the state of my happiness

I started this post not long after the latest comment was left on my post about not wanting stuff. I think I will let it stand to prove there is a very good reason why I don't delve into anything philosophical on this blog as I just cannot for the life of me put into words a coherent discussion.

So here is my answer to Miroslav - I think it best if we imagine that I am writing this after some champagne, some nice sauvy blanc, a pinot and some sticky.

Okay so I had hoped not to go into any great detail on my second resolution for this year which is "Not to want so much". But Miroslav, who commented below has called me on it and asked why - how did my my not wanting resolution come about.

The beginning of the New Year is a time to reflect on the previous year and plan for the coming one, which also includes time to assess my finances after the impact of Christmas. What goals should I have, what to do - travel, the house, the kids what are my financial goals this year. I would certainly enjoy a new bathroom, and a couple of interstate trips and dinners at fine restaurants and the rest...the shoes, or the dress, or the necklace, or that outfit for my child, or the handbag or indeed the KitchenAid (but help me I really do still want the KitchenAid and it will only be a matter of time!)

And what does it say about me that once I have the thing I want, there is another thing that I want isn't there always going to be more to want? And in the process my my credit card continues to take a battering from the continual wanting. I guess if I am to clarify, what it is I want to not want are basically material possessions. I am sick of my wanting all the time. I have convinced myself that my inability to get the thing/s I want will make me unhappy.

Something P said to me one day last year " Am I really so unhappy" resonated as soon as he said it and realised I wasn't unhappy and that P would think that I was, really surprised me. I was not unhappy, but for all intents and purposes the outward indicators are of a woman unhappy with her lot. I get moody, and unfortunately it happens mainly at home - I recognise it from Elliot, he tries his hardest at behaving outside the home, at school, at his grand parents at his friend's place and then when he returns home he is able to show his less well-behaved side. I get moody when I am tired, I have been fine all day and then wham, I feel exhausted and one of the children says or does something that pushes a button and bang I don't want to hear or see them for a few minutes because I am so annoyed by what happened.

That's why I think my moody behaviour occurs at home it is sometimes the only opportunity I have to just turn, like that. But yet it got me thinking about happiness and unhappiness. I really wanted to post a link to an interesting article I was sent in my first week back at work - it was certainly timely given my thoughts about happiness and the "not wanting" resolution unfortunately the link now means you will have to pay to see it.

I was hoping that this year I would want less material posessions and that somehow I would be happy or even happier with what I have.