A hard days work

I spent over 10 hours at work today. I got in at 7.15am and left around 5.45pm. I am writing another consultation paper and I have had to put a concerted effort in to get it into a decent shape by Friday no mean feat considering I basically only started it on Monday. It is so time consuming some things you would think should take half an hour you can spend hours pouring over - footnotes,paraphasing, formulating arguments without unnecessary repetition and being succinct not one of my fortes - I am a rambler as many would have guessed no doubt.

My biggest problem is how to "borrow" the context of the discussion when I have found it perfectly expressed in a review from 1996. It will take me absolutely ages to paraphrase the extract and make it my own - even if I footnote some of the discussion.

Tomorrow we start planning the consultation phase which will take us around Queensland. An external consultant has been appointed to ensure that we are kept at arms length from the process a good idea it seems since we heard about a consultation that went completely pear shaped when departmental staff were conducting the process. This means some travel and potentially staying over night at various places. In some ways I look forward to a evening of uninterrupted sleep but then I wonder how Gabriella will cope without me and does this mean the end of the breast feeding.

I always said when she is 12months (later this month) I would give it up but I am much more attached to the feeding than I even like to admit out loud. I feel once I give it up I will never get to do it again and I will miss this special time that Gabriella and I can only share. I know some women continue after the 12 months I just never thought I was one of them and I still can't see myself continuing really. I read some of Selkies blog and I admired how well she argued the case for continuing breast feeding until a child self weans. However well argued as she was - I am not convinced it is right for me to breast feed a child into toddlerdom. I think I feel comfortable at this point with Gabriella because she is so petite and seems quite baby-like still.

I just wish Gabriella would make the decision for me - I hate having to put a stop to something which she so obviously enjoys - although the night feeding is torture especially when I have busy and long days like today. Maybe the best time to do it is when I have to travel and she will learn to get through the night without me and me her.


At 8:56 am, Blogger OLS said...

My sister-in-law fed my niece until she fell pregnant with my nephew and her milk dried up, so until well after my niece's 2nd birthday.

It did cause a few problems for 2 reasons:

1. My niece couldn't settle at night without breastfeeding so my sister-in-law was very limited on what she could do with just my brother.

2. Since my niece was talking quite clearly from about 15 months or so, we all had to endure the embarrassment of her screaming "Booby, booby, booby" in public places whenever she was tired.

And my niece still doesn't eat well, which I'm told is because she wasn't eating much in the way of solids until she was so old. *shrugs* Don't know if that's true, but it does sort of make sense if I look at my nephew and my niece's friends and their dietary habits.

Of course, this is all from the perspective of an outsider - I know lots of kids, but I don't have any of my own. Many of my friends have commented that there is a special bond where you're breast feeding, but from observation, the bond between mother and child doesn't seem to be any less for the Mum's I know who couldn't breastfeed for one reason or another.

Which is all a very convoluted way of saying I have absolutely no advice for you! ;o)


At 10:48 pm, Blogger The Stream said...

I think it's every breast-feeding mother's dilemma. When to? How to? What if? But?

We're so hard on ourselves.

You'll experience a shift, though, and the decision will be made and it all works out perfect in the end.

At 10:43 pm, Blogger Lushlife said...

I am really hoping for the shift too. I just know that while she enjoys it so much I don't want to stop her. I am looking forward to the time when she comes to me for words of comfort, hugs and kisses and not for the comfort that comes from me feeding her.


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